Devotional and practical thoughts on marriage and parenting
At our church we are praying and working intensely at becoming adept with our ministry for those who have experienced trauma. In this day and age how can we not do so? Please join us in prayer that the Lord would increase this territory not only for us, but for all of his Church.
If you wonder why, please consider reading this very personal and enlightening blog from Pastor Greg Olson…
This coming Saturday my nephews, our family, our friends, and I celebrate the life of my Brother Tom. Our loss on March 26th was heavens gain. A few days before he left, I was reminded of something I learned from him…
“As I sit here at Tom’s bedside watching him sleep comfortably, I’m reminded of a family reunion on our Mom’s side. All the aunts and uncles were there except Aunt Peggie (we were all reunited with her many many years later). The gathering was held at Grandma Alpha’s and her latest husband Emory. They had a small farm somewhere in the outback of Idaho. Among the many incredible memories is one of both love and pain. While it never needed any help remaining seered in my memory, our Uncle Chuck kept it alive for everyone else as he would regale us with it absolutely everytime we had the pleasure of visiting either by phone or in person.
All the dad’s and boys were camped out one night in a big tent (in fact, I think it was actually an old white parachute, however I’m reaching the downward years of memory so I’m more than willing to be corrected on this little tid-bit of the story). Of course, there were all the usual suspects in that testosterone fueled environment…boys, teen males, and men on vacation. So there’s no need telling what it sounded and looked like…mayhem was afoot should suffice as a descriptive picture.
However, the hour finally approached when the dads finally obeyed the hollers from the moms in the house, “Paul, Chuck, Ed, John, get those boys settled down. It’s time for some sleep!” It took awhile, but sure enough the grunts, shouts, belches, woops, yee-haws, and laughs began to subside. I, on the other hand, was in rare form. Big Brother, Tom, joined Dad and the uncles in giving me increasing demands to pipe down. Nothing doing.
Through out the years Uncle Chuck held us all spellbound over and over with his telling of the tall tale that grew a little taller with each telling. It always concluded with Chuck’s final line and his acting out the scene…
“Then Tom reached the end of his rope and said, ‘Rick, if I told you once, I told you a thousand times…wham!!!!'”…as he acted out Tom’s blood producing punch to my nose.
Now as fond memories go this should rate rather low on the Human Fondness Scale, but oh nay nay. It’s one of my greatest childhood memories. Here’s why…it has come to represent for me the balanced dance of two unlikely partners…pain and love. Tom meant well. He loved me. Still does. I knew it then. I know it even better now. He knew I was well on my way to Dad’s end game. Much more shenanigans on my part were bound to arouse the flames of the old sarge. It was time for me to invite sleep into my disposition. Sure, there would be some crying as Tom carried me into the house to assist Mom in cleaning up my bloody nose, but there would also be some sweet brotherly reconciliation as he brought me back to the overnight camp out. Pain and love…like the Lord offers…the same Lord we read of in the Bible: “Who the Lord loves he also disciplines.” Hebrews 12:6
And now, now my brother’s love continues to instruct through the pain. He sleeps and I admire him all the more as I reflect upon his life time of overwhelming patience and compassion. He has offered them to everyone he has ever known…and I love him for it no matter the agony I feel now nor the grief which is to come.
Sleep well, Tom. Please wake up again. I have more to learn.”
I’m not sure, but I think my son, Daniel, once had shades of Snoopy lingering in his thoughts. You know, that particular image of Snoopy perched in a tree like a vulture keeping watch over everything below. Ready to pounce. Ready to provide. Ready to protect.
It’s okay. I got this.
It happened during that period of time when a mom and dad begin to nudge the responsibility and self-discipline training to the next level. Daniel was about 10 years old. Vanita and I had discussed some timing issues and some method issues regarding Daniel’s training. One of the items we chose was to leave him at home alone for a half hour or so.
“Daniel, we need to run to the store real quick. Matthew wants to go. Of course, Jessica is coming with us. Would you like to go or would you like to stay here and look after the house?”
Now all ya’ll know where this was designed to go. And it did.
“Really? I can stay here,” he asked.
“Yes. You’ll need to be very responsible. You know the house rules, right?”
“Yeah, I can do it!”
“Right, we know you can. So, okay, we won’t be long.”
Driving away produced no small amount of stress, but drive away we did. Training goes like that. A little older…a little more instruction…a little more responsibility…a little more autonomy to achieve success…a little more grace for the slips…and a whole lot of praying. We drove away with the stress and moderated it with the praying.
All these years later, I’m happy to report success. Back then, well, let’s just say I wasn’t always so sure.
We were anxious to get home, but we gave Daniel the time we had predetermined. We pulled into the drive way…and the excitement began. Daniel came on the run…not from the front door, not from the back door, but from up in a tree.
The tree was one of his favorite toys. It was one of those classic climbing trees. Situated just off the front porch and overlooking the front door, it provided a low branch for a swing and a tall climb for rambunctious kids. Apparently, it also provided Daniel with a fantastic ninja position.
“Dad, Dad…Mom, I saw this lady. I saw her.”
“What lady, Daniel?”
“The lady, the lady walking up the street. I could tell she was gonna come to our house.”
“Did she come to the house?”
“Yeah, I knew she would.”
“Oh, Daniel, did she knock on the door or anything?”
“Uh-huh, I knew she would.”
“You didn’t answer, did you? You know you’re not supposed to do that.”
“No, no, I didn’t. I couldn’t.”
A little bewildered, we just kind of stood there looking perplexed.
“I couldn’t answer the door. Instead, I said, ‘Who goes there!?’”
“What,” his Mother asked.
Daniel answered, “I said, ‘Hey, who goes there,’ and the lady jumped and screamed. I took care of it, Dad.”
“Daniel, wait, wait. What are you talking about,” I asked.
“Well, when you left, I was kinda scared, but I wanted to take care of everything, so I decided to climb the tree. That way I could be safe and watch over everything. So, I grabbed the hatchet…”
“The hatchet? Daniel, what? Why the hatchet? You know it only has certain uses and I need to be around when you use it,” I said with a nod to authority. On the inside, though, I knew where this was going and my Father/Daddy/Papa/Dear ‘ol Dad pride meter was climbing at break-neck speed.
“Yeah, the hatchet, Dad. (Breathing kind of fast) I was a little scared, but I knew I had to protect everything, (breathing a little harder) so I got the hatchet, (taking a gulp of air) turned everything off, locked the doors, put the key in my pocket, and climbed to the top of the tree. (Big breath, from corner to corner his smile stretched as far as the east is from the west). I did it Dad. Everything’s okay.”
“And the lady,” we asked.
“Oh, after she screamed and asked what I was doing in the tree, she left.”
Just like that, it was okay. It was okay.
Mom gave him a big, long hug.
I gave him a high five.
It was okay. Still is.
In just less than two weeks, Daniel will marry the lady for whom he has been praying, hoping, and looking for since he was a teenager. Her name is Abby. Daniel will perch over her. He will protect her and provide for her. He will pray with her, play with her, plan with her, and parent with her. He will be passionate about her. peaceful for her, and patient with her. Because he has such a wonderful Dad. No, take it easy, I’m not talking about myself. At night, before falling asleep, he’ll check in with Dad. After each long day he will say, “Dad, Abba Father, I did it. Everything is okay. The house is locked up. Abby is safe. (One day, hopefully) The kids are okay. I did it, Father. Everything is okay. Thank you. Amen.”
Here’s the important part…
Deuteronomy 6:4-9
Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
Update: Daniel and Abby, happily married, love one another and our Lord more and more everyday, help others and their little Rachel to do the same thing, and expect a brand new little baby boy any day now!
Have you ever heard another person say, “Don’t give me theology, I just need something practical?
Far too often in the Christian community we hear believers offer this sentiment as though the great foundational truths of our faith have little to do with our lives beyond our initial salvation…but, (please excuse the poor English) this just ain’t so. What we believe has everything to do with how we act. How deeply we believe determines how deeply our actions will conform to our belief. For example, if we simply pay lip-service to the doctrines of God’s omniscience (all-knowing) and omnipresence (everywhere present), we will probably never give much thought to what God is thinking about us when we’re about to engage in sin. However, if these doctrines are paramount not only in our minds, but our hearts as well, then being keenly aware of God’s presence and all-knowing awareness of our actions will more than likely cause us to hesitate and even refrain from engaging in the sin.
Thus sound biblical theology is basic to sound Christian living. True, we will not always act with integrity regarding our biblical foundations, but it is even more true we will fail to live up to biblical expectations if we are not biblically informed. This is really true in our relationships…and really, really true concerning our most special relationships. We can see this with a brief look at the Apostle Paul’s instructions on the family found in Colossians 3:18-21).
Here’s what he wrote:
18Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
20Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
21Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
Now, at first glance, that all seems really straight forward. However, to jump into Paul’s explanation of a Christ-centered home, in Col. 3:18-21, without first considering the overall intent of his letter causes us to miss crucial theology concerning the Lord Jesus Christ that reflects directly on a believer’s ability to follow through on the commands found in Colossians 3:18-21. So, let’s back up a little…
The Colossians had come under a set of false teachings that taught, among other things, that Jesus was not sufficient for the complete work of redemption. Much like present day Christians, the Colossians were being lured into a “Jesus plus something” mentality. In chapter two of Colossians (2:16-19) some of those things were mentioned:
eating rituals
religious festivals
false humility
worshipping angels
special knowledge
The Apostle would have none of it. It is why he went to great lengths (Colossians 1:15 – 2:15, 20-23) to show that Jesus was not only sufficient to save them from their sins, but to save them from their old habits and to transform them into that for which God had redeemed them. Therefore, the great theme of his letter to them was simple:
Christian maturity (the full work of salvation) is based solely upon the sufficiency of Jesus Christ.
So how does this kind of doctrine about the person and work of Jesus Christ impact our abilities to be submissive wives, loving husbands, obedient children, and instructive parents? Or, if we want to get personal we might ask, “When was the last time your knowledge about Jesus changed your behavior?” Most people would answer, “Uhhhhh, well, ummmm, I don’t really remember.” In the end, we cannot hope to be godly spouses, parents, or children if we cannot connect the foundational truths necessary for following our Savior to the transformational attitudes necessary to produce right action. Therefore, by necessity, the first part of Colossians (the theological foundation) informs and empowers the second part of Colossians (the theological practice).
The figure below illustrates the point:
The most practical, pragmatic, helpful, insightful advice we can offer others is this: the best psychology is biblical theology. You cannot do until you know.
Ricki Lee Brooks 